Grateful

     Lots of thoughts going through my brain and my heart. I have lots of moments throughout my day where I am frustrated, be it with work, community, living simply, growing spiritually, etc. I have lots of moments throughout my day where I am stressed, worried, busy, focused, happy, sad, overwhelmed, and empathic.

And most of the time, I am grateful. Grateful to be involved and invested in whatever this year throws my way.

I have had difficult days at work figuring how how schedules could get so mixed up. I am grateful.

I have had wonderful times with my community including trips to NYC and Boston, football games, ice cream indulgences, running, etc. I am grateful.

I have had sad times recognizing that I cannot be with family and friends from home during some difficult times and the holidays. I am still grateful.

I have had humbling moments when my community members reminded me that I have an opportunity to grow while helping me plant my roots. I am grateful.

I have had intentional conversations over coffee with coworkers, mentors, and community members. I am grateful.

I have been elated by cards and care packages from home which remind me of my support system which is near no matter how far away I am. I am grateful.

And I have so many more moments, memories, stories, conversations, "do-ings" that I am sure I will be grateful for.



P.S. I just finished the book "Love Does" by Bob Goff. I highly recommend it if you need a good faith pick-me-up. It has lots of great valuable nuggets to chew on and put into action. I am grateful that LOVE DOES.

NYC!

    A few weekends back the ladies of my house went to NYC! My housemate Liz was able to meet up with her family in the city so the other girls and I tagged along to get away for the weekend. We left after work on a Friday and were dazzled by the Fall colors and hilly roads between Syracuse and Newark. We jammed out to a road trip playlist which included Mumford and Sons, RENT, Wicked, Mulan, Phillip Phillips, Rascal Flatts, Keith Urban, and many more sing-along-able tunes.

     We planned on parking the car in Newark because that is where another housemate Paige is from. In Newark we stayed with another JV community where I was able to reunite with two fellow SLU grads and enjoy the perks of having friends all over the country. (Seriously, I don't plan on paying for a hotel in any of the major cities across the country for a few years since I will be able to crash on JV couches.) It was such a joy to be with other JVs and experience the fellowship and hospitality of others who are choosing to live a lifestyle similar to mine this year. I am still amazed that folks make the year long commitment to live simply, focused on social justice and emphasizing spirituality in an intentional community. (Yes, tagline of JVC but still very impressive to me especially since I understand so much more of what this actually means.) After spending the night on some couches and being treated to delicious pancakes (of all kinds!) the ladies headed to the train station to make our way into the BIG CITY! We really had no definite plans and were simply excited about being there and relaxed about walking around and enjoying the people and beautiful weather. On Saturday we ended up walking over 6 miles (we had all of our belongings that we needed for the weekend in backpacks and totally looked like tourists as we maneuvered our way up and down the streets). We grabbed coffee with Liz's family, ate hot dogs, took lots of pictures as we walked fromTimes Square to Central Park and back to the High Line.

JVC in NYC!

At Toys R Us!

Times Square

Central Park

On the High Line

     Saturday night we stayed in Brooklyn with another JV community and once again I got to see an old SLU friend who is in that community. (There are 6 SLU grads in the JVC East region this year.) While we were relaxing our bodies and feet at the Brooklyn house we decided to watch The Lion King which prompted an ongoing friendly debate...Mufasa or Simba as a life long partner? Your thoughts? After another night of couches, beanbags, and mattresses we were once more treated to delicious pancakes for breakfast before heading back to Manhattan for mass and visiting the World Trade Center. 

Brooklyn brownstones

Random parade we came across.

     We finished our weekend by enjoying a delicious, authentic Jamaican meal cooked by Paige's mom and with tired feet, full bellies, joy filled hearts, many new memories, and having only spent $40 each for the weekend we headed back home to Syracuse.

Keeping Myself Busy

     It's fall!!! And for the last 17 years of my life fall has meant school and school means homework and stress. Now, I am getting used to working 40 hours a week and not having homework. Seriously, the many times I had piles of homework and thought to myself "I can't wait until I don't have homework so I can....x, y, z." and now I have time to do things and I can't decide what to do! Although everyone in my house is usually tired come the weekends we are making the best of the weather and opportunity to get to know Syracuse better. Here are a few things we have done thus far:

1. We went to the New York State Fair to see a free Florida-Georgia Line concert, which we mostly did...but it was pouring!!!! We still enjoyed it and it has become one of my favorite memories of the year so far.

Corn dog and wine slushy!

You will often find us blasting this song from the car or the kitchen!

2. We have been to some local bars: Colemans, Kitty Hoynes, J. Ryans and Nibzy's (where we won a free round of shots for our master trivia skills)

At Kitty Hoyes.

3. Some of us volunteered at a Bubble Run which was a fundraising event for Paige's work place. Basically we spent one rather chilly Saturday morning getting wet and playing with foam machines and inflatable slides. (I am glad no pictures of this are digital!)

4. Some of us went to the Irish festival which was fun to walk around at after work. We had planned on going back on a Saturday night for a free Gaelic Storm concert but then it was pouring rain for that concert too so instead of reliving our already recent wet-concert-experience we opted to stay dry and go to a bar. Good choice on our part!

 

5. We have been to a great winery, Three Brother's Wineries, which is basically three wineries in one place with a brewery also. We had free tastings at each one and enjoyed a picnic lunch before that at a state park which was beautiful. I have often said I love all sorts of wine, which is still mostly true but if you ask for my favorites I definitely love deep, dry reds the most!

 

6. This past weekend we went to the Tippary Hill Music Festival which was a slight bust since it was once again raining. We have learned to make the best of rainy days here! It was fun and we ran into some friends we have met and got to pet puppies which is always a hit! Although we have lots of musical tastes in our house, we often agree on the folksy, accoustic "autumnal" (courtesy of Katrina) genre. We were able to listen to a local guitar group at the festival which made the mad dash in the rain worth it.

 

7. Although we do this every weekend, we LOVE the farmer's market! The Syracuse Reginal Market is lots of fun and we find great bargains and delicious foods. This week we bought three huge butternut squash and a bucket full of pears to snack on. We pick up our CSA bucket each week and often discover new foods and ways to prepare them....one thing we tried...kale chips...not my favorite!

 

     As for future plans...this weekend the girls are going to New York City!!!

 

    And in Syracuse, we will be taking advantage of the Autumn season by going apple picking, cheering on Syracuse University football, eating lots of pumpkin things (and of course decorating them), and welcoming our Progam Director Kelli for a week in November to stay with us and share a day of reflection.

 

Becoming Home

    Although Syracuse may not be the most well known city, I am so glad to be here and I want to tell you a bit out why I love it! 

HOME

My house!

Great for:

-making and eating delicious dinners

-playing hide and go seek in the dark

-sitting on the roof

-playing music and having sing alongs

-snuggling under covers

Not cool:

- we had fleas....all gone now, don't worry

-unpainted walls, to be remedied soon!

-downstairs heat doesn't work

-very sensitive smoke detectors

WORK

Welcome to Samaritan Center!

My desk at work.

Need a meal?

Great for: 

-always having hot coffee and cookies

-getting exercise up and down three flights of stairs

-interacting with guests

-never needing to pack a lunch

-did I mention the cookies?

-downtown and therefore close to coffee shops

-working with awesome people

Not cool:

-when volunteers don't show up even though they are scheduled

-the added weight of eating so many cookies

-overly scented toiletry closet that makes me sneeze

And just a side note, I saw this store one of the first days I was in the city and I knew I was meant to be here. :)

Picture Catch-Up

     I have pictures! Here are some from Orientation that I took on my fancy new camera which I am still learning how to use.

Blue Ridge Summit, Pennsylvania at the Jesuit retreat center.

 This is the banner that has been hung at Orientation for many many years. I already feel the powerful influence of this saying. (More to come on that at a later date.)

 So much nature! I loved the view outside of my building which overlooked the hills and landscape of the area. 

And here is the first family photo of my community! From left to right is: Paige, Jacqueline, me, Katrina, Brendan, Paul, Liz, and Kelli who is the JVC program director for our region.

Highlights from Week 1!

     (I'm sorry, no pictures yet.) This past week was incredible. I already feel so at home here and in love with so many new people and experiences. It is hard to sum up the five very different days I had at work this past week and tell you all about my home/community life so here are the highlights:

1. Finding 50 pennies on the ground (Monday)
     First I found one, then another, then 48 more! I do feel sorry for the person who clearly had a piggy bank malfunction while walking down a sidewalk but I am so grateful that now I have 50 pennies!
2. Free, delicious coffee! (Monday, Wednesday)
     There are lots of coffee places very close to work so sometimes my co-worker and I just take walks and end up with delicious coffee before returning to work.
3. Food bank deliveries to Sam Center (Tuesday, Wednesday)
     Okay this one needs to be thoroughly explained....to start there are 6 employees of Sam Center and we all pitch in to help when we know a Food Bank delivery has just come in. Sam Center is currently in the basement of a church which was built many years ago and we do not have air conditioning or an elevator. So when the delivery comes in we set up a simple yet quite efficient system. Imagine a looong wooden board that reaches top to bottom of about 12 steps, put some carts at the bottom of the stairs, now put people at the top, middle, and bottom. Finally, take the boxes of food off the pallets they come in on, slide them down the board, and then place them on a cart to wheel them to the kitchen and pantry areas. Some of the boxes are extremely heavy but with everyone so willing to help it really doesn't seem that bad. It was great to see everyone working together to get the food inside for us to then serve hundreds of people.
4. Free lunch with drinks (Monday, Wednesday)
     Syracuse has great local bars and brew houses!
5. Dinners with my community (Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday!)
     We got very lucky this week to all be home for dinner each night. We know this will not always be the case so we took full advantage of it and made delicious meals and had intentional conversations about our days at work and how we were doing. Meals included: eggplant parmesan, pancakes, homemade mac and cheese, Italian sausage with potatoes, "asian ramen", baked ziti, and grilled cheese.
6. Running with my housemates. (lots of days)
     I am taking advantage of the new city and getting to know my new surroundings by running all over. There are wonderful parks (some with swings!!!) and trails around the area for us to run or walk.
7. Staff meeting at work. (Wednesday)
     I felt like part of the team, I gave input and also got advice on how to improve some of my tasks this year to make the center better.
8. Going to the Zoning Board! (Thursday)
     I need to keep this on the DL for now, but really cool things are happening for work in the next year!!!!!
9. Talking with guests at Sam Center. (everyday!)
     Each person that walks in the door is accepted without questions. We feed everyone and we treat everyone with dignity. Already I have heard some inspirational and heartbreaking stories from guests who so willingly open their hearts to mine. I have been welcomed so graciously to this community and yet even though I am serving them I feel grateful beyond measure.
10. Laughing! (everyday!)
     I cannot remember the last time I laughed so hard I was in tears and my belly hurt! And this not only happened once but too many times to count. Whether my community is just hanging out listening to music, cooking dinner, cleaning the house, taking a walk, at a bar, or at the farmer's market we are constantly overtaken with giggles and smiles at each other's quirks and talents.
   
     Although the week was an overall joyful success I did face some challenges and I know that some weeks the challenges will outweigh the joys. However I am excited to see where this next week takes me, what stories I hear, what jokes are told, what food I eat, how community evolves, etc. and I will attempt to gracefully accept the challenges as I relish in the abundant joys.
     Closing thought: this song, "Gone, Gone, Gone" by Phillip Phillips has been played over and over in my house and blasted from the car radio multiple times this week. I am truly able to see the beauty of Christ in each of my community members and I feel so blessed to have this new family.

Safe and Sound in Syracuse

     Pictures will be coming soon (and by soon I mean hopefully in the next month.) Today is the first day I have been online in over a week and I have to say I'm not complaining. I am sitting in Dunkin' Donuts with two of my lovely housemates, checking email, Facebook, blogs, and whatever else I missed online this week. I also checked Syracuse weather for the coming week and it looks like we get to enjoy summer a little bit longer; fingers crossed that it lasts into September. But I'm getting ahead of myself, I will try to catch you up on things (and hopefully my long-winded self can keep it brief) since I left home two Thursdays ago.
     To begin, I almost missed my first flight but made it in the nick of time. After transferring in Atlanta and making it to Baltimore-Washington airport I found the group of people that looked to be about my age and talking about service. I enjoyed saying hello to some fellow SLU grads and catching up with them while at the same time I began to meet my new community members and fellow east coast volunteers. The bus ride allowed me to snooze for just a bit which was necessary since I had been up for  almost 8 hours by noon and hadn't slept well on top of that. At Orientation we: listened to talks about the four JVC values, experienced what eating like a JV will be like...aka lots of vegetarian meals with homegrown veggies since meat is expensive, had two masses outside to celebrate the Eucharist together, enjoyed an afternoon of silence, hiked on the Appalachian trail, and much more! We were able to meet everyone who is serving in the eastern region of the country this year and also get to know our individual communities better. Orientation lasted from Thursday to Tuesday morning and then each community got into a bus or car to travel to their homes. My community drove two cars north to Syracuse.
     We were greeted at our house by our two community-support people (former Jesuit Volunteers) who brought over pizza and locally brewed beer to celebrate our arrival. We choose rooms, unpacked boxes and the next day began Local Orientation. Local O consisted of all of us visiting each other's work sites (and seeing them for the first time ourselves), checking out cool spots in town, getting to know the area, setting up our bank account, and having a delicious dinner at an FJV's house. In our "free time" we were spending time as a community, listening to music, talking, cooking, eating, cleaning, and getting ice cream at a super good local spot! (and yes, "getting ice cream" is different that "eating" because as one of my community members commented "Ice cream is gonna be a big thing with us isn't it?" YES!)
    Yesterday some of us went and picked blueberries at a local farm. We are part of a CSA (Community Sustained Agriculture) and were giving some of our time to the same farm we get produce from each week. This morning we all went to mass together and will be enjoying the evening together (perhaps getting ice cream again?...it is a great way to spend our monthly stipends!) and then getting to bed relatively early before work in the morning.
    I left out many details of the past week and a half but so much of this experience is hard to put into words. It is hard to show you the smile on my face and the warmth in my heart because of the gratitude I feel for being here and beginning to live with intentionality in so many ways. Hopefully my next update will include aspects of my new job! And hopefully next time I write a post my housemate won't be sitting next to me chuckling at my corny 5-year old self. (I wasn't able to hold back my many quirks as long as I had hoped.) For better or worse (and I KNOW it is for the best) I am part of the "Berrigan Bunch" this year!

Tomorrow

     I don't have much to say. I am all packed: a carry on plus a backpack for the plane and orientation while a big suitcase and two boxes are being shipped to Syracuse. I am at orientation for 5 days and will then be traveling to Syracuse and beginning work on the 19th. I need to shower, I need to sleep, I need to take a tylenol and calm down. As one friend reminded me, I have wanted this for so long! I have been dreaming of this life for a few years now and I am well prepared as I begin this journey! (I am currently saying that on repeat in my head.)

     This IS wonderful! And although my stomach is in knots due to the anxiousness and worry, I know this is what I am meant to be doing and that is all I need. Remarkably so I have been relatively calm throughout the summer as I have counted down the days until August 8th arrived. I am excited to meet my community members and to live with them this year. I am excited to tell everyone from home (side note: the "home" clump has come to include both my family and friends from Dayton, Cincinnati, Kansas City, and St. Louis (and all those who ventured away from those places) because otherwise I would have to explain the difference between all of the places that are in my heart and calling them all "home" feels right anyway) about my life and what I am going through. I am exited to meet the people at Samaritan Center and being working. So here I go with butterflies in my tummy and a smile on my face, ready to greet the morning with bright eyes and an open mind. To Syracuse I go!

Holy Guacamole!

     Disclaimer: Thank goodness many years ago I sent my tortilla chip bravely into the chunky green dip termed Guacamole and began my love affair with this most delicious dish! Yum yum!
     Two weeks from yesterday, aka LESS THAN TWO WEEKS now, I will wake up super early, travel to the airport with my family (A), say my goodbyes, transfer in Atlanta, land at the Baltimore Washington airport (B), meet loads of new people, board a bus to travel another hour and a half to Blue Ridge Summit, Pennsylvania (C), meet my roommates and all the other JVs serving in the Northeast region of the country this year, explore the values of JVC in an intense and welcoming orientation for about 4 days, then get in a car with my community members and drive five hours north to my new home in Syracuse (D).

AND THEN the fun really begins!

    Needless to say I am realizing how soon all of this is happening for me. I have many goodbyes to say and packing to begin (although lists have been made so step one is done). I have to get my heart to understand what my head already knows; that everything is going to be okay. My head knows that this is the best thing I could be doing with my life at this time, it (unfortunately) feels right not to be going back to SLU this fall, it feels right not to be going to grad school or searching for a big-person job just yet. I am meant to do this year of service. Ever since I heard what JVC was my first year at SLU I knew I was meant to do this. My head is very smart, it knows this is the best move I can make for myself and it knows this is where God wants me to be.

    But my heart, well, it needs to catch up. It is lost in the confusion of happiness and discomfort, of security and loneliness, of caring and being cared for, etc. It is excited and sooo anxious and worried as well. And so, I trust. I trust that my heart and my head will be on the same page soon, I trust that in two weeks I will be ready. Ready to board that plane, then that bus, and begin what is to be one of the best years of my life. I trust that I have many more people to meet in this world who I will one day consider to be my family, I trust that I have much to give and many to give it to, and I trust that this year I will grow in more ways than I can imagine. (Okay my heart is having a hard time trusting all of these things right now but my head is doing it's best at convincing.) [Do I sound bipolar? Sorry, I am just trying to explain the great divide going on in my self and attempt to illustrate the bridge being built between the two sides.]

     Don't get me wrong, I AM EXCITED! I hope Syracuse is ready for this girl! And I hope they are well stocked with avocados so the guacamole making can begin!!!

Affirmed

     When I was still in school people would ask me "What are you studying?" to which I would respond "I am majoring in Theology and minoring in Social Work." What would follow is a standard conversation where the other person says they have a friend who is a social worker and how much good a social worker does even though it is a challenging job. I would nod and agree, because the above statement is in fact true, but what I really was thinking is how much people ignored the fact that I have an interest in God and that (if they knew me going into college) I am somehow a disappointment because I am no longer a biology major on track to be a doctor.
     Now that I have graduated people ask me "What's next?" to which I respond "I am doing a year of volunteer work and then going to graduate school." Of course, then the next question is "What do you want to do with grad school?" And obviously the real question is "What the hell are you going to do with your individual life to secure a substantial sum of money and make a name for yourself to not be a waste of space and resources?" (Okay so my brain exaggerates on that a bit and it sounds harsh but I do feel like people are testing me to make sure I have started planning for the future and are being critical of my response to see if it matches what their idea of successful is.) Upon answering the question with "I am hoping to pursue a career in Ministry by getting a Masters of Divinity and work with young adults in high school or college" I see the approval of grad school wash over the other person's face only to be replaced by a fleeting expression of confusion which leads into an attempted (forced) expression of understanding and acceptance. To not be rude most people then try to save face saying "So you want to be a religion teacher, that's great. I hear there is a new pope." Head.Drop.Eyes.Roll. REALLY PEOPLE!?
     Okay, this isn't supposed to be me complaining, this is just to show you the typical reaction I get from people who don't quite understand what I want to do and therefore certainly don't understand why I want to do it either. There are people however that get it, really get it, and for those people I am sooo thankful!

     Last week I facilitated a high school girls' junior retreat at Bergamo center (associated with University of Dayton and Marianist but I smile with pride and claim the Jesuits as my own!). I have a passion for going on and leading retreats because of the marvelous opportunities that retreats are to get to know ones' self, others, and God more each time. I have met some of my best friends on retreat, gotten reacquainted with others, claimed my faith as my own, broken down, cried for hours due to sadness and joy, experienced the healing of forgiveness, and more. 

     Last week I was affirmed in my calling to go into ministry; it is a vocation really. A passion that God has given me to help others through love, acceptance, sharing stories, crying, healing, and affirmation. There is one part of the retreat, the closing, that involves an activity called Silent Affirmation...it isn't entirely silent but it is affirming! Each person is able to tell the others in the small group how much they matter and how important they are in the world and in each other's lives. It is beautiful; it is pure love that breaks down stereotypes, unhinges closed off emotions, and quite possibly saves a life. I believe that ministry is where I am called and I know that not everyone understands that but I say thank you to those who do. And I thank the girls I worked with last week for affirming my passion and vocation. 

All Dogs Go to Heaven

Buddy dog. 

      As wonderful and fun as July 4th is, and was this year, July 1st will forever be the day we had to put our Buddy dog down. Buddy was 11 and we had him since we was a puppy. I distinctly remember the day that my sister and I were home with my Dad and we told him that we wanted a puppy. He said okay, looked in the paper and then called my mom asking "What color? Yellow, brown, or black?" to which she replied "NNNOOOOO!!!!!" (Maggie and I thought that we had worked some type of magic and upon our request to get a puppy suddenly we were getting one! In all reality, Mom and Dad had talked about it and although Mom was almost entirely opposed my dad convinced her that she should not deny her children the enjoyment she (and my dad) had had when they were kids with their family dogs. Did you follow that?) So she gave in, said "yellow" and then Dad, Maggie, and I got into the car and started driving to get a puppy!

     We got to the breeder's house and they brought in the males for us to play with. I remember there being a  yellow and a brown lab that we were playing with. The yellow, who we wanted because it was the color Mom actually agreed to, was sooooo boring! He would not play and would not act perky and fun but the little brown one was all over the place and full of energy! Maggie and I were content to keep playing with both of them, and tried to convince Dad that we needed two (apparently we had exceeded our magic quota for the day because that request was definitely not going to happen). Dad knew we needed to make a decision and take one puppy home so he looked at the brown one, full of energy but not the color we wanted, and then at the yellow one, boring but the color we wanted, and pleaded with the yellow "Please start playing, please show us some energy and personality!" And I'm not exaggerating when I say, the yellow one responded almost immediately and was suddenly all energetic and fun! That sealed the deal and we took home the yellow lab puppy!

     Deciding upon a name was a challenge because everyone in my family had an opinion and wanted to pick the winning name so OBVIOUSLY we ended up choosing the most BORING and CLASSIC name possible...BUDDY! Books about dogs say that the "puppy stage" lasts about 2 years but for Buddy it lasted about 3.5 almost 4. He ate my homework, chewed a library book, ate trash, and unfortunately baby birds, but we all made it through the puppy stage and he then became known as "Mellow Yellow". I would sit on top of him, dance with him, run around the yard, throw the rope, swim with him in a family friend's pond, and  when I was in St. Louis I loved coming home to his excitement, joy, and love. He was such a wonderful "big brother" when our family adopted Izzy, a lab mix, who had come from two abusive homes. He showed her the ropes and how to love our family. Our entire family and many friends loved, and still do love, Buddy, even Mom! He was definitely a family member and has been around for half of my life. I cannot imagine my childhood without him. 

     It is amazing how much can change in a month, he was totally healthy and in a few week's time he was super sick and the vet could not tell us why. He could hardly breathe, was not eating or drinking, and could barely move. The blood work gave us no answers, the urine test didn't either and we just knew it was time; he had lived a good 11 years and had been very happy. We decided to put him down on Monday and I have been crying for days. He will always be our "Buddy dog," the best friend we could have asked for. 

Izzy, Maggie, Princess (on the chair), me, and Buddy.